Objectifying a Yes Man!
Objectifying a Yes Man!
After having a talk with a Marketing friend I have been thinking about this topic for a bit.
Being a yes man can get a lot of people to certainly like you. People love someone who is helpful, high functioning and able to take care of a lot of things for a lot of people. The way that they selflessly seem to put others focus' first and knock out these tasks without any objections, any pushback at all. They serve others so well and don't say anything, it's almost like they don't feel anything. They're so helpful! I just hope they understand how appreciative I am but will never really say it to them. I'm just so glad they bottle up their feelings and never address problems, issues and creating any kind of boundaries - for me!
-Objectifier of a Yes man
Well the secret is out, I've been a "Yes Man" for quite a bit of time. There are times where I find myself pulled back into situations but for the most part I have acted and have been more equipped to set valuable boundaries in this area. The funny thing is, people respect that. They might not always enjoy the boundaries but it is something that DEMANDS respect. The interesting thing is if someone is respectfully instituting boundaries again and again, they're not a push over! If we were to gamify things, their "baseball card" would speak more legendary about them.
“They might not always enjoy the boundaries but it is something that DEMANDS respect.”
I don't think a Yes Man is always associated with a pushover, but that's certainly how things translate for the Yes Man. This might not be the case at first but over time a sense of disappointment can build and that can morph into stronger feelings of sadness or bitterness. Yes I said bitterness and I know that first hand. This feeling can seep into other areas of your life and taint things in a poor manner. It can add all manner of stress and frustration to something that could ultimately be practiced and could be dealt with.
How could we deal with something that feels like a character flaw? Well, what if we had a phrase to practice? That sounds simple enough right? Well, start there. Here's a couple of phrases based upon your particular situation which can be modified to help you where you're at specifically.
When someone asks you to do ______ try…
That sounds like a great idea, but isn’t that outside our current focus?
or just
Isn’t this outside of our current focus?
We will have some extra time next week/month/quarter and I think this would be a good fit!
I would love to but I think this falls outside the scope of this project, could you give me a little more info about _______ so that I have a better idea of the time and cost with it?
Or
No, I don't think this is a good idea.
Some of these phrases are easier but they don't say No outright, some say No for right now. For some things that's enough of a change to simplify a current schedule and allot this task to be done at a more optimum and later time. The other side of this is saying No. Sometimes saying No is needed and only you really know what's right for you.
After saying these phrases out loud just to get accustomed to hearing yourself saying these things, try a practice session. A practice session feels legit right? Well, try out this formal sounding practice session in front of a mirror. After hearing that part most people think of it as a lesser form of practice but it's not. I think there are 2 reasons this is an under-rated option to practice things.
You are practicing in front of a human looking at you! This could sound ridiculous but are you a human yes or no? Well, you're practicing in front of a human and that feels different to have eyes peering back at you.
You are looking at yourself say these things. This could be more of the reason why I think this form of practice is so effective. Whether or not you thought of yourself as someone who couldn't say No before, when you're practicing these phrases in the mirror, you are literally seeing the potential for you to say No.
After all of this practice saying these phrases still seem rather difficult at first but just like anything that you practice it becomes easier with time. Think of when you were learning to drive a car, the stress you were carrying in your shoulders and the tense feeling to not crash the vehicle. Well over time that dissipated and so will the tension to say No.